"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
