I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I just pynch a tree in the face
only if we run a train.
done.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
