I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
