I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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