Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize