Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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