That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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