Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
