i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
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