In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
