I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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