Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
