dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
