i need an iv and a liver transplant
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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