no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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