took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
