Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
