bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
