Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
