My cat gives me a boner
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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