i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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