Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
my god I love twenty year old dicks
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
