My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
