Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
