I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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