he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
