the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
