remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
