Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
