38 yer olds are good kisserssss
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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