You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize
