i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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