I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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