saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
