What a fucking waste of an outfit
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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