you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Randomize
