yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
