Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
i black out too much to be "responsible"
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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