Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
