i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
