Little spoons don't ask big questions
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
