So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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