yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
