no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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