the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
