The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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