why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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