I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
