I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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