he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
