Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
