shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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