well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
