Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
