I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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