Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
