I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Randomize
