"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
