dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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