Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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