i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
