I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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