I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
