He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
