Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
