P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
