i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Randomize
