you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
