weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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