Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
