Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
We left the knife in your bed.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
