i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I need moral support for this bender
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
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