I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
