i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize