I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
did i just pee glitter
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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