her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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