But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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