I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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