What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
We have so much sex to catch up on
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
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