i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Randomize
