I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize