Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
