Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
