I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
